No Secrets.....My Testimony (part 6) The Introduction!!!

   

     How arrogant can one man be? Here I am telling anyone who wants to read it about how I forgave my wife. This was the woman that God gave me, to protect, lead, and most of all love. But here I was bragging in a sense about how hard it was for ME, like she owed me something. Who was I to do such a thing? I had forgotten about the man I had been for the last 8 years. I had sat in the spiritual passenger seat while my wife tried to be the glue of my family and when it all broke down I blamed her. Well let me tell you about my wife:


   Dawn is inspiration story all to herself. You think I can concoct a story that is compelling? Have a conversation with my wife one day. She has faced more pain, suffering, and dashed hopes than anyone I know. She has experienced more in her life than I could ever face, and she has stood firm. Yet here she was trusting in God and praying for a selfish man to come around when I was doing nothing to deserve it. My wife spent day in and day out loving a man who could barely muster the strength to get through a single day without feeling sorry for himself. It was my wife’s faith in God that made me trust that he was real. She was my rock when I was supposed to be hers because I had crumbled. My wife is the most amazing person I have ever met. She is strong, vibrant, tough, drop dead gorgeous but most of all she is inspirational. When I am in the presence of my wife my world lights up, I feel like I can do anything. I can go on for days describing her to you, but I think I’ll just sit here a while and rejoice (yes I’m bragging) in how awestruck and wonderful she is.Yet I have failed her in so many ways and she has stuck with me through it all. It should not have been me forgiving her; I should have been the one begging her to forgive me. Most of all I needed to beg God to give me the strength, not to forgive my wife, but to forgive myself. God has already forgiven me, but I was stuck in a rut because I was so busy focused on asking others to forgive me, and trying to forgive others that I never stopped to think about how I have let myself down and in turn leaving my wife to fight this world alone. Now who needs forgiveness?

     It must sound funny saying something so strange. Forgive myself, what does that mean? Deep down inside I knew I was a failure and that I had failed miserably at life. I had to find a way to forgive ME for all the things I had done wrong. I had to accept the fact that I am only strong because I have a savior. I am nothing and Christ is everything. I had to let go of my past and find a way to focus eternally, to focus on God. I needed to take the wheel and lead my wife and family spiritually instead of searching for excuses in the glove compartment of life. It took a long time for me to realize that my wife was the most important person in my life, above everyone else. Without my wife I would be just some random guy wandering aimlessly. God gave me this amazing woman to cherish and hold and I selfishly pushed her away. I had to forgive myself for these things, I had to move forward, and I have to keep moving forward every day.

     So here I am now trying to move on day by day. I have failed in the past and I will continue to fail in the future. But thanks to God's relentless pursuit for me (from "Crazy Love") I have a new chance at life. We all have a testimony, we all have a past. But I rejoice and praise God because there is something about his love that is just overwhelming. I want to share my joy with the world; I want everyone to know God like I do. I'm not an expert, I'm not perfect, but I am loved as we all are loved. Call me what you will but just the thought of Jesus makes me choke up. The love that Christ has for me (us) is indescribable; he knows all of my sins. He knows all of my thoughts and actions even before I do, and God still created me in my mother's womb for a purpose. He breathed life into my lungs and then died for my sins. How can you describe that? I have felt pain my entire life and I have done some terrible things and he doesn't care, he still loves me the same. God has revealed himself to me in more ways than one and when the days comes that I will stand in awe in the presence of Jesus nothing will matter but his undying love not just for me, but for the entire world. Don’t deny yourself the love that is in Christ Jesus. It will only lead to heartache and pain.

     I am interested to see how God will continue to work in my family life and what the future holds. God is faithful and he fulfills his promises in HIS time, but always remember that God's time is always the right time. I felt compelled to share my testimony with you, although it is not in great detail and I probably missed some pieces, like when we were told that our youngest daughter Isabella lacked her growth hormone and would need weekly shots for almost her entire young life. We gave it up to God and he was faithful. Or how my “leap of faith” has allowed me to release all my worries about finance to God and he has blessed us in many different ways because he is faithful. Trusting and understanding that everything is a gift from God and nothing is of our own is a relief not a burden. Or how he has very recently answered a prayer (It’s a secret for now) that I have had for six years because he is Faithful. Yes I tattooed the phrase " I AM with you..." on my wrist  as a daily reminder that God is with us always. I also did it because I am proud of my faith, and I hope that it will give me an opportunity to share it.

 Jeremiah 29:11-14

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

I would hope that this story might help you to see God in your own life and let him reveal himself to you.

This is not the end of my story, but rather a foreword to what God has in store.... Thank you.

"so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:11