No Secrets.....My Testimony (part 1) Finding Redemption!!!

    This is a series that will lay out what has transpired in my life for the last several years. I felt burdened to tell those the truth and not hold back.

     I write this Testimony as someone who has failed and is yet to fail. A hypocrite and a sinner, yet I am redeemed and I am loved. My life before I turned 19 was interesting to say the least. I don't want to detail it out but I will say there were things that I did that I was not proud of. I was a lost soul and was doing my best to make it through life the only way I knew how, alone. Through a series of unfortunate events I found myself in a Church on Christmas Eve of 2002 thanks to the love of a very close friend. I was broken, lost and in pain. I never really knew what it was like to be inside a Church but it felt good and I got to know some people my age that I found to be very strange. I didn't understand why they never cussed, or never watched movies that had gratuitous sex or violence. I accepted Christ late one night after talking to the youth pastor and he told me of the redeeming power of God' grace and love for me. I can't describe the feeling of what it was like other than to say that it was like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders that night (literally). I felt 50 lbs lighter instantly and I become lightheaded and cried like a baby. It was amazing to let go of all the pain, hate, and fear I had built up inside of me. It was like a fist time high, it is different for everyone and it only happens once.


     It wasn't long before I was sitting in front of my TV watching the news and God spoke to me in a way I again cannot describe, but was real. I had an overwhelming feeling that God was leading me to join the Army and write for a living.... Go figure...things did not work out and I ended up in Wichita Falls, TX. By then I had given up on God and figured there wasn't much to all that stuff. Here I was living my life the way I wanted to and what I had thought he wanted me to do ended up disappointing me. Why would I think he was working in my life? I partied every weekend and things were doing great, it was like college. Then I found out some life changing news, which I will explain later, and after that I got kicked out of school on a false accusation. Things started to spin out of control and I just held on tight.

     Oddly enough things do not always work out the way we plan them when we force it. We try to make it work the way we want, but I found out real quick God opens and SHUTS doors at his will. Did I cheat on that test? No! And I did everything in my power to prove it and petition it. I got sent down to San Antonio, TX where I really started to spin out of control and make very foolish decisions. It just so happens I met someone who would provide hope for me and show me love. At the time we were both two lost souls from similar but different backgrounds that needed each other. Yet again, no explanation for the love I felt for this girl. At the time I had no idea what was going to happen, I had no idea the amazing impact she would have on my life, nor the strength she possessed. Shortly afterwards I moved back to TX and she moved to Conn. But not long after that she moved back down to TX and we were back together again. (This was around August of 2003.)

    It was a Thursday morning and I was rolling silverware at the Restaurant I had been waiting tables at. I got a call: “Spc. Siar?" I replied "yes" then she said “this is so and so from your reserve unit (and I quote) we drew straws and you lost, you leave Monday to go to Afghanistan." WOW!!! I was totally floored and still in a state of shock when I found Dawn and said the most romantic words ever...."Hey uh, you still want to get married?" She asked why and I told her. Talk about an emotional experience when she said yes. We hardly really knew each other. Granted we had just found out about two days before that she was pregnant, but nevertheless, we made it legal on Friday. Might I add It is truly amazing the wedding you can plan in one day. We had our wedding on Saturday October 30th in Grapevine in the botanical gardens and I have to admit it was about as perfect as you can get. I left for Ft. Benning that Monday and on to Afghanistan the next week, scared, confused, and alone!


To be continued......

     "so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:11